the Woodlands

HAHA.. You know you live in the woodlands when.... - you can valet park at the mall - your dad makes more money in one week than your government teacher does in an entire year - it isnt exciting anymore to pass a lamborghini, ferrari, or bentley on the road any given day - at school you park between an h2 and an escalade - you see about 500 bmws a day - every girl, starting at the age of 12, has a coach purse - your best friend's pregnant - you've never shared a bathroom in your life - the Texan cheerleaders perform at your high school pep rally - you can talk to someone in Illinois and they assume that you must be rich - nick lachey sings at your prom - you have to ask permission to paint your house - your high school is rated the snobbiest in America according to David Letterman - if you have nothing to do you buy some beer and drive around - one haircut can change your reputation - myspace takes the place of homework - lunch tables are individual and round - you pay someone to hang your christmas lights and mow your lawn - the maids come every other wednesday - your parents own multiple houses - you go to jamaica, thailand, spain, belize, or the bahamas on a regular basis - you suck if you dont get a beach house for prom - you go skiing every year - your school field trips include New York and Europe - deaths and car accidents are usual - your school has more people in it than some colleges - you have to schedule an updo appt 6 months in advance if you want someone decent - the sports teams travel in charter buses - parties have top shelf liquor - you go to a theme party every weekend - they build your own skating rink in the winter - there are only 3 cheap stores in the whole mall (and that's for the people who come to The Woodlands to shop but aren't actually from The Woodlands) - when you need a plain white tank top and go to Bebe first - you spend $95 on a christmas gift for your friend - girls have 2 boyfriends - nothing stays a secret - about half the kids go to church, and out of that half only 10% actually follow religion faithfully - your jeans cost the same price as ur video ipod - mums cost $200 - if you dont have confidence or money, you are nothing - you take your car to Aqua every week and just let someone else clean it - there's a starbucks on every corner - they put a tommy bahama's in..since those are mostly at vacation destinations (look it up) - Fleming's is the new TGI Fridays - you drop a quarter and just leave it cuz you dont feel like bending over for it - you cant find your bmw at the mall, because there are 55 others just like it - you see at least one new person in school every day - you have a personal trainer - you have the vbest new cell phone before it even comes out - they serve Chic-Fil-A, Pizza Hut, Quiznos, and Smoothie King in ur school cafeteria - you go buy Chanel glasses for yourself as a pity gift because you're having a bad day - your dog is treated better than your sister - you have a fridge in your room so that you dont have to go alllllll the way downstairs when you want a cold bottle of water - you have more than one closet - you're 17 and have a plastic surgeon - a cheap mall trip only costs $500 - your driveway is gated - you get fined if your fence isn't the right color or height - just about every decent concert tour comes to the pavilion - a decent date consists of dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and a walk through Market Street - you hear parents talk about what a great "family community" this place is, and you hear your 13 year old sister talking about how wasted she and her friends got the night before. - your orthodontist drives a porsche, at least when he isn't driver his other cars - your friends are all gorgeous - your diamonds are real - you hook up with someone and by second period the next day, the whole school knows - you get judged right away when people know where you are from - you live on a Jack Nicklaus golf course - your parents buy you multiple cars before you buy your own - you can screw off in high school and college and still get a badass job cause your dad is a corporate executive with connections - your football team could kick many colleges' football teams - there are kids at your high school who can score perfectly on the ACT and SAT - making millions of dollars from hard work and/or connections isn't even that attractive, it's the power that motivates